Prepackaged Nightmare

I found this gem in Burlington Coat Factory in San Francisco, of all places. They appear to be s'mores, but not like you know them. The dubiously named Fun Pack Foods ships these from their factory… somewhere in the USA. This isn’t even the most recent iteration of this roasted-marshmallow chocolate treat. Look what I found online with a little detective work:

I find this product fascinating. The prospect of conveniently processed s’mores is not completely unappealing to me. However, I only use the finest ingredients. How can I trust this product? There isn’t even a discernible brand name logo on the product. This is a red flag. Second is the name of the product. Even generic food isn’t this bad. With such low production values on the packaging, I can’t be too confident about what I find inside. There appears to be nothing at all appealing about this design.

From the product page:

Everything you need for all camping fun. Kit Includes: 4 roasting sticks, 1 bag of chocolate, 1 bag of marshmallows, 1 package of graham crackers, campfire songs and the history of s’mores

I don’t know where to begin. I find it laughable that I need nothing more for camping fun. However, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. I had neither the opportunity nor the desire to sample the product.

I find the non-food items to be most interesting. Campfire songs are an obvious value-add to the product. Many products use this technique, usually to better effect. I can only imagine what the history of s’mores entails, but I’m sure it’s a great yarn to tell around a campfire. Maybe this would be fun? We could throw up the tent in the backyard, maybe build a fire. The kids would have a good time, and my wife would turn to me and say, “Honey, I love you.”

The preceding is a work of satire. Of course, we probably don’t think consciously think about all of these things when we look at a product, especially one as important as food. Processed foods dominate most grocery stores, and even the most selective consumer would find it difficult to avoid them entirely. That is why it’s so important to concentrate while shopping. Entire marketing departments spend millions of dollars to design packaging that creates an emotional bond with the customer: you. Critically analyzing what you are buying is vital.